"Intelligence of Love"

From The Secret of Childhood (pp 100-01), Dr. Maria Montessori

It is, on the contrary, the child who loves the adult, who wants him near, to be always with him and whose delight lies in calling his attention to himself, "Look at me, stay with me."

When the child goes to bed in the evening he calls the loved person and begs him not to go away. When we go in to dinner the tiny child that still feeds at his mother's breast would like to come with us, to stay near to watch us, not to eat. The adult passes by this mystical love without perceiving it. But the little one who so loves us will grow up, will vanish. And who will ever love us as he does? Who else will ever summon us on going to bed, saying, "Stay with me"? When the child his grown, he will say an indifferent "Good night". Who then will be eager just to watch us while we eat, though he eats nothing? We defend ourselves against this love that will pass away, and we shall never find anything equal to it. We in our turmoil say, "I haven't time, I can't, I have a lot to do," and we think in our hearts, "The child must be taught better, or he will make us his slaves." What we want is to be free from him to do what we like doing, so as not to give up our convenience.

It is terrible naughtiness in the child if he goes to wake up his father and mother of a morning, when they are still asleep. A nurse [nanny], where social conditions allow, must prevent this more than anything. A nurse is the guardian of the parents' morning sleep.

And yet, what is it but love that urges the child to go to his parents as soon as he wakes? And where he can, he gets out of bed early, like every other pure creature, when the sun appears. The child goes to find his parents still asleep as if to say, "learn to live holily; it is light, it is morning." But he does not go to them as a teacher, he only runs to see those he loves. Perhaps the rooms are still dark, curtained so that the morning light shall not disturb the sleepers. Perhaps the child goes stumbling, his heart beating for fear of the darkness, but he overcomes everything, he comes softly and touches them. His father and mother scold him, "Didn't I tell you not to wake me up in the morning?"

"But I didn't wake you," says the child. "I only touched you, I only wanted to give you a kiss."

It is as though he said, "I didn't want to wake you physically, I only wanted to waken your spirit."

Indeed the child's love has a great significance where we are concerned. His father and mother sleep all their lives, they have a tendency to sleep over everything, and it is necessary that a new creature should stir them and sustain them with a fresh and living energy that they have long lost. It is necessary that a creature who lives differently should come to tell them every morning, "There is another life, that you have forgotten. Learn to live better."

To live better. To feel the touch of love.

Man would degenerate without the child to help him to renew himself. If the adult does not waken, little by little a hard crust will form round him, and render him insensible